a blah day

Today has been a.... day. Nothing to make me especially happy or excited, and nothing that has made me sad or upset. But it's just been one of those days that you can't figure out why you don't really feel ANYTHING. I like to classify these days as "blah" days. I've felt distracted and like I have lost motivation and self-control. I sat down at my desk, starting by watching "I am a Mormon" videos (don't know why I love these, but I do) on mormon.org, followed by even more time spent on facebook. My intention after attending church this morning was to come home, eat lunch, read from multiple different books (both church and school related), and write letters to missionary friends. I got sucked into worthless distractions, which lately seems to happen way too often, and I also seemed to eat more (oops) than I intended while aimlessly wandering through my facebook newsfeed. 

I absolutely hate days like these. I hate feeling like my carnal desires have taken over, and I don't have control over how I spend my time.

I also hate to confess that I am an instagram and facebook fiend. When I feel overwhelmed, bored, nervous, happy, upset (okay.. really any and every emotion), I get on my phone and scroll through my instagram or facebook. It's become second nature, and half the time I don't even realize how much time I am wasting on these social networking sites. 

I have this irrational fear that if I get rid of these things on my phone, I'll be so disconnected from everything. Like I'll be missing out on VERY important information. Then in my attempt to justify, I say to myself, "If the Lord asked me to get rid of these distractions, I would do it immediately! Of course." Aaaand then I proceed to pull my phone out and check insta again. Ultimately, I want to find a balance between these two extremes- constant connectedness and complete absence from social media. 

I know I'm not alone in this social media "battle", and I know I'm not the only one who has felt this way! It's something that I think we are all aware of, but are individually unable, unwilling, or uninterested to do anything about.

I've decided (about 5 minutes ago while writing this confessional blog post) that I am going to delete facebook and instagram off of my phone. I've needed to do this for a while, known I've needed to, but have talked myself out of it every time. I feel that I am missing out on so many opportunities to feel and be guided by the spirit, to serve others, and to simply be present when I am with other people. Without really recognizing it, so much of my mind has been consumed in this unimportant cyber world.

(just deleted them...... i feel.... fine...)

I am going to start off by going a week without these two little friends on my phone. 

WISH ME LUCK.

But. Can I just say... I seriously ALREADY FEEL BETTER. 

I will report a week from now how everything goes, assuming some of you might be interested to know. I expect that I will be much more productive... although candy crush might become my next problem. 

snapchat and whatsapp get to stay.... but as you can see, fb and insta are goners.

Eliza Jane

I just completed my first week of my second semester at Juilliard, and I feel like it's been a month. It has gone by so slowly! I think after being home and strengthening relationships with family and friends there, it has made this transition back to school feel slow. The days seem to blend together, and sometimes I forget which day it is... but we do have a pretty consistent routine and are generally always busy with a project of some sort, and I've really liked that about the program. 

I'm attending the Lincoln Square singles ward just across the street from school in the LDS Manhattan Temple/church building, and I've really enjoyed it. There are some amazing people there (though I am just barely starting to really get to know some of them... oops). The majority of the members in the ward are college graduates, and tend to be a bit older than me, which has made it a challenge to really connect with anyone... so, I've made a resolution to put myself out there and make more friends this year. Heavenly Father must know, because I just received a calling TODAY to be in charge of planning events for the "younger" members in the ward. I think this will be a perfect opportunity to get to know friends and help others (myself included) feel more comfortable at church. I'm excited about it! 

I'm mostly excited to be back at school to get back into my routine. Christmas break was amazing, but I was HORRIBLY lazy about reading my scriptures, praying, and really doing anything productive... haha. New York has brought out the better parts of me... the motivated, inspired, happy and curious side of me... and I think that's a very good thing :)

SnapChat picture of Lincoln Square.

Sometimes I forget what is right outside of the Juilliard bubble... amazing location!

Reunited with my main man, SEAN. Missed this boy!

(it was a long day, hence the rough face on the right)

A group of my friends went on an excursion to Laduree, a French bakery with the best macaroons ever... one of those baby sized treats cost me 3 bucks... it was delicious and totally worth it. 

 I wrote this on New Years Day at 2 am with my best friend Savannah

I'm not going to take the time to explain what all of these mean, but these are some things that I hope to implement this year.

Eliza Jane

I have officially finished up my first semester at Juilliard, and I can't believe it! The time has flown by, and I'm now happily spending Christmas break in Utah with my family. Prior to leaving, I performed in New Dances in the Peter Jay Sharp Theater. This is a yearly Juilliard production for the dance division, and each class has a different choreographer who creates a new piece. The Freshman class worked with Takehiro Euyama for about two and a half months. Our process was a bit challenging (he was not a very personable guy... which made it hard to relate) but I did learn a lot and had so much fun performing with my class for the first time. Each class got to watch each other in dress rehearsal, and it was INSPIRING. I felt honored, lucky, and proud to be surrounded by such amazing artists. 

As I've been in New York I've thought a lot about talents... why each of us have specific talents, and how we use them in positive ways. I've specifically been focusing on my dancing, and really pondering how my role as a believer in Christ can be evident through this talent. At Juilliard, there is an emphasis placed upon the students to recognize that we are all communicators. What we choose to communicate is entirely up to us. Whether I choreograph on others with a specific theme or idea, or am left to interpret choreography given to me, I am always communicating something to those watching. I have felt that I may not ever know how to successfully implement this desire when I don't always have the freedom to create my own movement, but I do know that I can continue in this discovery by simply living a Christ-centered life. 

I'm a big believer of the cliche, "everything in life happens for a reason." I believe that I am at Juilliard for specific reasons; some known at this point, with many more unknown. Every experience in my past, great or small, has prepared me for this time in NYC. There is an excitement I feel not knowing exactly what will come from my time at Juilliard, but because I have received a personal confirmation that I am where I am supposed to be, I have felt the freedom to explore and open my mind to so much. I've never been so excited to learn or to obtain knowledge, until now! I am at the perfect place to do just that, and I thank my Heavenly Father often for this opportunity.

Eliza Jane

As I said above, I have been home for the holidays... and I've got some pictures to prove it! enjoy

This is my best friend, Savannah. She is my soul mate! 

Lucky me, I got to visit Temple Square before they took the lights down. 

So beautiful! 

These are all of my siblings (excluding Braden who is serving an LDS misison in Poland) and I love them dearly. oh, and we're all going to the beach this summer. HOLLA.