It's already MAY?! It has been FAR too long since I last wrote anything on my blog... And I'm currently punching myself for waiting so long, because I am now feeling overwhelmed with so much information and experiences from the last two months, that I don't want to begin!... (i'll keep it brief and only share the most important stuff)
Last I wrote, I mentioned that my freshman class had started "Missa Brevis". We're now a week and a half away from performing, (not to mention, two weeks away from finishing my second freshman year) and I couldn't be more excited! The process has been quite slow, but also very enjoyable. I absolutely adore my teacher Laura Glenn (even if she takes forever to set the choreography on our class, and drives me a little insane in the rehearsal process). She has taught me a LOT about moving with breath, and has guided me on this amazing path that has begun to change the way I approach all of my work. As I get tired and stressed, I often have to remind myself how lucky I am to be working with such incredible teachers. Some of the best in the world.
In the past couple months I have had some pretty dark days, accompanied with some amazing days as well. What I'm learning is that it all comes down to what I put into my life. Choosing to enrich my mind with truth (specifically truth from the Book of Mormon) never fails to enlighten and bless my life. When I choose not to incorporate truth in my life, I become anxious, unhappy and feel as though I have no control or purpose.
I've been spending a lot of time with a Buddhist friend, along with many other friends who do not share my same beliefs, and I have begun this new journey of learning and questioning basically EVERYTHING I thought I undoubtedly knew. I have struggled more with the realization that I have so many questions about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and have struggled less with what those questions actually are. I've felt extremely uncomfortable with the idea that I may not always be confident to say that "I know". Sometimes I get two Eliza's in my head: one that is asking all of these obscure, odd, and "never crossed my mind" kind of questions - and the other that reassures my uneasiness by simply reminding me of what I do know... reminding me of experiences that have manifested the truthfulness of Christ's restored church that I will never and could never deny (sigh of relief and peace). This always reminds me of Pres. Uchtdorf's talk, "Come, Join With Us", when he says to "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith." I wouldn't always consider my questions as doubts either... though I do think that they often lead to feelings of doubt. But that is truly all we can do until we receive answers to those questions through fervent prayer, study, and obedience. In the book of Alma chapter 26 verse 22 it says, "Yea, he that repenteth and exerciseth faith, and bringeth forth good works, and prayeth continually without ceasing- unto such it is given to know the mysteries of God; yea, unto such it shall be given to reveal things which never have been revealed..." The Lord promises us that as we seek truth, acting in obedience to his commandments, we will receive answers to EVERY QUESTION we may have... even the crazy questions that I somehow manage to think up as I am constantly expanding my perspective among my new friends. And I'll tell you this... I have had so many manifestations of truth- powerful experiences. And that is exactly why I've had the opposition- the many questions and doubts clouding my brain. So many of the questions that I often have a hard time explaining exactly what they are, are ALWAYS answered in ways that I cannot fully explain or express. But somehow they no longer become questions, and are replaced with faith and an understanding like I have never experienced before.
...so if you're having doubts, don't freak out. The Lord will never withhold knowledge from those who are sincerely and actively seeking.
Eliza Jane
