a blah day

Today has been a.... day. Nothing to make me especially happy or excited, and nothing that has made me sad or upset. But it's just been one of those days that you can't figure out why you don't really feel ANYTHING. I like to classify these days as "blah" days. I've felt distracted and like I have lost motivation and self-control. I sat down at my desk, starting by watching "I am a Mormon" videos (don't know why I love these, but I do) on mormon.org, followed by even more time spent on facebook. My intention after attending church this morning was to come home, eat lunch, read from multiple different books (both church and school related), and write letters to missionary friends. I got sucked into worthless distractions, which lately seems to happen way too often, and I also seemed to eat more (oops) than I intended while aimlessly wandering through my facebook newsfeed. 

I absolutely hate days like these. I hate feeling like my carnal desires have taken over, and I don't have control over how I spend my time.

I also hate to confess that I am an instagram and facebook fiend. When I feel overwhelmed, bored, nervous, happy, upset (okay.. really any and every emotion), I get on my phone and scroll through my instagram or facebook. It's become second nature, and half the time I don't even realize how much time I am wasting on these social networking sites. 

I have this irrational fear that if I get rid of these things on my phone, I'll be so disconnected from everything. Like I'll be missing out on VERY important information. Then in my attempt to justify, I say to myself, "If the Lord asked me to get rid of these distractions, I would do it immediately! Of course." Aaaand then I proceed to pull my phone out and check insta again. Ultimately, I want to find a balance between these two extremes- constant connectedness and complete absence from social media. 

I know I'm not alone in this social media "battle", and I know I'm not the only one who has felt this way! It's something that I think we are all aware of, but are individually unable, unwilling, or uninterested to do anything about.

I've decided (about 5 minutes ago while writing this confessional blog post) that I am going to delete facebook and instagram off of my phone. I've needed to do this for a while, known I've needed to, but have talked myself out of it every time. I feel that I am missing out on so many opportunities to feel and be guided by the spirit, to serve others, and to simply be present when I am with other people. Without really recognizing it, so much of my mind has been consumed in this unimportant cyber world.

(just deleted them...... i feel.... fine...)

I am going to start off by going a week without these two little friends on my phone. 

WISH ME LUCK.

But. Can I just say... I seriously ALREADY FEEL BETTER. 

I will report a week from now how everything goes, assuming some of you might be interested to know. I expect that I will be much more productive... although candy crush might become my next problem. 

snapchat and whatsapp get to stay.... but as you can see, fb and insta are goners.

Eliza Jane