This summer has been quite monumental in terms of my personal progression and learning. I've met some new friends and people that have unknowingly taught and reminded me to fully trust in The Lord. I've had expectations in situations where I clearly shouldn't have, and through a little (heart)-aching I've realized that the only solution is to set aside my personal desires to instead listen to and more willingly trust The Lord and let the spirit guide me moment by moment as I move forward with my life.
I spent some time in NYC attending a three week workshop and had such a memorable and wonderful time! While the majority of what I was learning had much to do with dance and more specifically creating movement, I always seem to find ways to tie my dance life into my everyday life. As a result, I have begun to realize that dance is so much more than something that I "do", but is an eternally important part of who I am.
One mind blowing realization that I had came from one of my workshop teachers. He was referring specifically to "creating" and said that when we try to MAKE something happen as opposed to LETTING something happen, (when improvising with another dancer, or choreographing etc) that we only have the potential to create something we have already known or experienced before. This then causes feelings of frustration because we limit progression and feel incapable of producing something new and great. We often short-change ourselves by drawing continually from our limited mortal knowledge and the reservoir of previous experiences we have had. If we allow ourselves to be fully present and aware in each moment, and rid ourselves of expectations, we'll open up ourselves to a whole new world of creativity and opportunities.
As I thought more about that, I couldn't help but recognize that I have often approached relationships (friendships included) with an expectation of what it should be- what it should feel like, and how things should evolve. I put pressure on myself to make things happen the way I think they should. I realized if I continue to do that, I'll continue to limit the potential of that relationship. So that takes me back to trust. Trust in myself, trust in the sensations and things I am feeling with and for that person, and most importantly, trust in The Lord. We don't have to make anything happen, things will simply be if they are supposed to be. If we LET "it" happen (whatever "it" may be), it can become something entirely new or fresh. We can eliminate the "do" of the equation. I love the quote, "The Lord can make so much more of us than we can make of ourselves." I think that The Lord can make so much more of EVERYTHING than we can. But only if we allow him to do so!
There has been something difficult about spending time with and developing close relationships with multiple people throughout my (short) adult life. What often messes me up is the familiarity between the physical, situational, and even sometimes the emotional aspects of each relationship. It's not that I necessarily put a legitimate label on those familiar aspects, but it's the familiarity that often takes me out of the raw or present moments. I've concluded that when all aspects of a relationship are approached or evolve with a genuine and sincere intent, "familiar" no longer becomes an issue. It ALL feels and becomes new, because it IS new to me and my experience at that present time. It becomes less about what happens or where things may go. I'm learning that it is perfectly okay to allow myself to be affected by any and all outside factors (the factors that are out of my control), and it's even more exciting to let those things direct or alter my course- in my everyday human and dancer life. It's all about the experience and intention behind our efforts that create beautiful, honest, fulfilling and NEW relationships and friendships.
It's refreshing to realize that I actually CAN worry less, trust more, and let life unfold with excitement and hope. As I keep commandments and covenants I have made with my Heavenly Father, I believe and trust that He will guide me and assist me in my endeavors to BE PRESENT in each moment of my life.
Eliza Jane
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